Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I just wanted to check in and say hello. I didn't have a very good weekend - nothing big just some stupid things said to me that have put me in a funk. I'll get over it - I always do - but it makes me wonder - does anyone really know me? does anyone really pay attention? take the time to get me? I'm beginning to think the answer is no. Oh, I think they hear me (and I'm not talking about my kids here) but they really don't take the time to understand me. I have family and friends who just don't seem to get what I'm about - but they are convinced that they do. And I have family who say things to me (again and again)- because "they're just kidding" mmmm, well, you're not funny. And then because I'm a housewife they seem to forget that I had a career. I had a very good job. I had an office with a door and a window. But that has all been forgotten. Because I've spent the last 17 1/2 years of my life as a housewife -trying to make everyone happy- I've somehow become the person who doesn't earn a paycheck and therefore the person of less worth. My goals - never going to be reached because others come before me - I know that, that's part of being a wife and mother - but does that mean they don't matter - does that mean I don't wish to reach those goals for myself? do those goals become less important than the goals of the rest of the family? not in my mind. I know I haven't wasted my time at home. I know I'm a good mother. I know I am. If I weren't my kids wouldn't be such great kids. They wouldn't talk to me the way that they do. Even Jason. I know he doesn't tell me everything, but he does tell me things that I don't think many 17 year olds would talk to their mothers about. I don't feel like I'm wasting my time - but I do feel like I'm not - I don't know - not understood? not valued? not seen for me? I don't know what it is - but whatever it is it has put me in a total funk. So I don't know when I'm going to post again this week. Tomorrow is Molly's appointment with the orthopedist about her hip and that's going to be an all day adventure. I haven't done any crafting this week - absolutely no desire to even look at anything. Maybe I'll feel better after tomorrow. I think it's definitely adding to me mood. Anyway, sorry I'm not very friendly today. I'll be back soon - back to me. gaaah! I'm a mess! I need to take a shower and get out of here. I'll feel better soon - I know I will. See you soon.
Posted by Mary Welsh Hubbard at 8:48 AM