Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Good Morning.

I just wanted to check in and say hello. I didn't have a very good weekend - nothing big just some stupid things said to me that have put me in a funk. I'll get over it - I always do - but it makes me wonder - does anyone really know me? does anyone really pay attention? take the time to get me? I'm beginning to think the answer is no. Oh, I think they hear me (and I'm not talking about my kids here) but they really don't take the time to understand me. I have family and friends who just don't seem to get what I'm about - but they are convinced that they do. And I have family who say things to me (again and again)- because "they're just kidding" mmmm, well, you're not funny. And then because I'm a housewife they seem to forget that I had a career. I had a very good job. I had an office with a door and a window. But that has all been forgotten. Because I've spent the last 17 1/2 years of my life as a housewife -trying to make everyone happy- I've somehow become the person who doesn't earn a paycheck and therefore the person of less worth. My goals - never going to be reached because others come before me - I know that, that's part of being a wife and mother - but does that mean they don't matter - does that mean I don't wish to reach those goals for myself? do those goals become less important than the goals of the rest of the family? not in my mind. I know I haven't wasted my time at home. I know I'm a good mother. I know I am. If I weren't my kids wouldn't be such great kids. They wouldn't talk to me the way that they do. Even Jason. I know he doesn't tell me everything, but he does tell me things that I don't think many 17 year olds would talk to their mothers about. I don't feel like I'm wasting my time - but I do feel like I'm not - I don't know - not understood? not valued? not seen for me? I don't know what it is - but whatever it is it has put me in a total funk. So I don't know when I'm going to post again this week. Tomorrow is Molly's appointment with the orthopedist about her hip and that's going to be an all day adventure. I haven't done any crafting this week - absolutely no desire to even look at anything. Maybe I'll feel better after tomorrow. I think it's definitely adding to me mood. Anyway, sorry I'm not very friendly today. I'll be back soon - back to me. gaaah! I'm a mess! I need to take a shower and get out of here. I'll feel better soon - I know I will. See you soon.


Jane said...

Mary, I'm not going to say I understand because that would belittle what you feel and you obviously feel very deeply about this.
It's odd isn't it? when a person is doing a great job they appear to blend seemlessly into the lives of all those around them, knitted perfectly into the lives of their closest friends and most cherished loved ones.
Often, it's only the 'bad' apples that get noticed.
You have accomplished something wonderful, you are a good mother.
Oh how underestimated!
Think of all the people your children will come into contact with throughout their lives. wow!
And because, in your own words, you are 'a good mother' your children will pass on this goodness in their own way and add something wonderful to the lives they touch.
I am proud of my children, aged 27 and 29.
Because I know that the world is a better place for them having been born into it.
They are loving, compassionate, kind and conscientious with regard to others, and these are true accomplishments for any individual.
I know I helped them to become such people because, like you, I am a good mother too.
How could this ever be perceived as time 'wasted at home'??

I must admit I could feel myself getting angry when I read your post, I'm so p***ed off at people STILL seeing women in this way, so dismissive, have we learnt nothing?
You are a woman of many facets and a woman of obvious depth.

misschris said...

((((mary)))) hugs for you.

I know you're not down on yourself, you're disappointed in others...you know the truth. I know the truth.

Know what? Jay and I are working feverishly right now so that when this next baby comes, I will have the *priveledge* of staying at home with my kids. That's how most of our friends feel about it these days. It really is a priveledge. It's the hardest job and the most rewarding, and there is no job title or paycheck that compares. We're going to sacrifice a bit just so we can make it happen, and I couldn't be happier.

Because really, at the end of the day, I aspire to have *your* job, Mary. And I want to be as successful as you have been these almost 18 years. If I am, I'll be one proud momma.


Jackie said...

am just catching up with blogs so I've read three posts or 4. Look back at the mothers day one and then tell me no one cares about you!

Kris said...

Good morning Miss Mary!

Sorry to hear about your funk. I get where you're coming from. Society doesn't value mothering, or even parenting for that matter! Which is really strange because people are the fabric of society. Get people raising wrong and society fails. Our society places too much emphasis on "jobs". You are not your car, your house, your clothing, or your job. You are a unique individual. Perhaps that's why society tells us we are our job/car/house etc. 'Cause it's a whole lot easier to see a job/car/house than it is to get to know someone!

I hope you feel better very soon. One of the ways Brad and I look at it is that our family is what we are all about. It is the most important thing to us. The basic unit. We (the kids and I) are not here to support Brad in his "career". His "career" exists only to support and realise the goals of our family. Everything you do is important, whether others realise it or not. It is disheartening to realise that very few people "get" you. It makes you feel lonely. I hope you can be cheered up by those of us who comment and love you!

You are a great mother!

Your work as a mother is invaluable (if Mr Obama had to pay you for what you do he couldn't afford to!) and no-one else can do it quite like you.

I hope you do post again this week, cause I will miss you if you don't! (selfishness is the bane of society!)

Love ya!

Levin (and Emily) said...

hey mary
i hear you!
when louis started school this year everyone asked me 'so what are you going to do now?' - like you stop parenting because they are not around! well, i decided - i'm going to be here before and after school, i'm going to be there when they they need help with homework, or if they need to talk about friendships and boyfriends and all that stuff, i'm going to help at the school because very few parents do and class sizes are so big and teachers can do with all the help they can get. i'm going to make delicious, nutritious (and yet still appetizing to five year olds) lunch for a healthy shared lunch tomorrow and i'm going to help serve it out cause no one else has time, i'm going to practice soccer even though it makes me feel fat and unfit and i'm pretty sure people are laughing at me and then i'm going to come home and cook dinner - safe in the knowledge that I know what my family are eating and the most of it is fresh! And yes, I do this all for free - all I require is a hug and a thanks.
I'm pretty sure that everything we do is absolutely appreciated - and I wouldn't give this opportunity away for anything.
I don't know you very well, but I think you're a great mother and to me that is the meaning of success :)