Monday, November 24, 2008

Oh those first years...

But first, I just have to tell you that I have been dressing Mark every morning since this entire thing started. So he's hopping through the kitchen with his crutches and I notice that ... his pants were on backwards. "ooooh, ahh honey...I put your pants on backwards." LOL Nice Mary. Nice. "Well at least I caught it before we went to the doctor!" LOL. So there he was in the middle of the kitchen standing on his crutches while I turned his pants around. Very dignified. LOL He will be very very happy to take control of his life back!

Then Molly (self absorbed child number 2) says "Mom, I will be staying after school Monday and Tuesday and on Wednesday I'm going to the mall and the movies with my friends. okay?" Ahhh, Hello?! Did you just fall off the turnip truck or what? MOLLY! Have you somehow forgotten that Thursday is Thanksgiving and that Wednesday I'll be at the hospital FOR YOUR FATHERS OPERATION?!!!! Let me give you a clue about how your days will go...Monday CLEANING YOUR DISASTER OF A ROOM! Tuesday CLEANING THAT PIG PEN YOU CALL A RABBIT CAGE! Wednesday HELPING ME BY BREAKING UP 6 LOAVES OF BREAD AND BABYSITTING YOUR SISTER SINCE I'LL BE WHERE?! OH THAT"S RIGHT AT THE GD HOSPITAL ALL DAY!!!! Think Molly. Think. So this conversation led to a come to Jesus meeting ! I had everyone stop what they were doing and come to the kitchen where I yelled at the top of my lungs at all of them for a good 10 minutes. I realized that clearly I needed to explain to all of them how this week was going to go down! After they all ran to their rooms to hide I looked over at Mark who pointed at Howard who was hiding in the corner shaking! I have to admit it probably scares the hell out of them when I get like that -- I get so angry that my face turns red, my eyes get crazy and I always cry through the entire rant! Yeah, I was having a good 10 minutes of total flip out! Which of course never makes me feel better -- it only makes me weepy because I get so frustrated and angry and then I have to yell like that to get the point across. hhhhh. So moving on to funnier things...



This is my all time favorite photo of Thanksgiving...
This was the very first year I had EVER made Thanksgiving dinner. It was 1998 and Ryan was 18 months old. I love how he is sitting there waiting for me to fix his dinner. I love this photo. I ordered my turkey from this local store not realizing that they used Wampler brand turkeys. Well, let me tell you I have NEVER in my life seen so much liquid come out of a bird! It was INSANE! I was bailing bailing bailing. That darn turkey was a mess! It tasted good, but it looked like it had been crock potted and I didn't like the idea that they had injected it with gallons of liquid! So anyway, this is the photo of the turkey during cooking when we had to remove it from the oven so that Mark and my brother Brian could put out the FIRE! LOL! I thought it was hilarious! Jason thought it was fascinating...Brian thought it was funny. Mark was just trying to keep me from burning down the house on Thanksgiving...The only one who didn't think it was hilarious actually, was my oldest brother Ken who had brought a date to my house for Thanksgiving....oh well. If you can't take the crazy at my house then stay the hell home! That no sense of humor woman! :O)

This is the next year (1999) No fire. Ordered the turkey from a new place...Only problem...They gave me a 31 pound turkey...then I stuffed it! because in my family if you don't have enough in-the-bird stuffing you are in big big trouble! I usually have some stuffing that wont fit in the bird -- not that year! OMG just thinking about how big that thing was makes me laugh. I wrapped my arms around it like a sumo wrestler...Hoooyaa as I hurled it into the pan (the pan that says it will hold up to a 20 pound turkey...hmmmm. It is the biggest pan I have ever been able to find~so far it has held (I probably just jinxed myself)! Which is why they were all standing around it trying to decide HOW THE HECK DO YOU GET THIS GIANT BIRD OUT OF THE OVEN!!!! Rather large to begin with, but then I stuffed it (with 6 loaves of bread, 2 pounds of sausage and cups and cups of celery, onion, parsley...) It weighed oh 45 pounds AT LEAST! This is my brother Ken, Mark and my nephew Matt (and my mom) all looking at the oven trying to decide what the best plan of action should be... (I love how they are all standing there planning the turkey extraction strategy! LOL)

more laughing... You see the grip my hands are in...I had images of yet another Turkey catastrophe...
Ken decides that the best plan of action is to GRAB the bird right out of the pan with the oven mitts on and plop it on the platter that Matt is holding...Matt's not so sure... (I love how Ken is showing us how it's to be done!)


Oh the crazy when my family is together. We are loud! We think everything is funny! It took Mark a while to get it - he came from a very small quiet family with only two kids. Then he enters my family where we are loud, there are five of us, plus my sister has three kids almost the same age as me (I'm 43, they are 37, 36, and 31) so they are like my siblings. I will never forget the first time he met them. We had only been dating gosh, maybe a month. He came to pick me up and everyone was at my moms. They swarmed him! Even the dog! And my mom kept calling him Jimmy (my old boyfriend!) He was looking at me like "please ssssssave me." When we left he said WOW! That was somethin'! Now...he wouldn't miss it for the world! If it's your first time with us you pretty much need Tylenol in anticipation of the noise--and a stiff drink to survive it! My niece Kate (31) didn't bring her boyfriend last year because she didn't think he was ready! LOL! God I love Thanksgiving!

2 comments:

misschris said...

Dear Lord, woman. Thanks for the laughs this morning! That HUGE bird!!! OMG, that's hilarious.

Jackie said...

Hope you had a great day.(Without too much shouting!)